We have officially entered party season...the Kentucky Derby, Cinco de Mayo, Graduations, Confirmations, Communions, and Memorial Day are all upon us. There are lots of upcoming opportunities for you to fill up both your calendar and your dance card! My family is busy putting the finishing touches on a celebration for our eldest son’s high school graduation. The big question: piñata or no piñata? I have been told it’s not really a party without one.
Did you know that piñatas have a long, rich and colorful history? The candy and toy-filled paper-mache creations date back as far as the 14th century. If you are thinking that when it comes to party piñatas, “if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all”, then think again. The days of the boring and plain piñata are long gone. They now come in all shapes and sizes and there is one for every occasion. As I try to find one that says “congratulations, you did it!” and ponder what candy to fill it with and what size sticks to hit it with, I am reminded of something my high school Mock Trial teacher/coach used to say: “Don’t give the devil a stick to beat you with.” As we worked to prepare the persuasive arguments that we would present when we were “in court”, our teacher made certain that our testimonies were rock-solid, with no loopholes. He often reminded us that if we tipped our hand by answering a question with too much information, we might as well hand a stick to the other team to beat us with. “Make sure you don’t give the devil a stick to beat you with!” became the team’s mantra.
Even if you have never argued a case in court, you too may be handing over a big stick to your opponent. Every time you say “I am so old”, “I am so fat”, “I am not smart enough”, “I am not good at that”, you are beating yourself up and encouraging others to do the same. If you can’t remember the last time you said “thank you” to a compliment, I hope that you at least don’t respond with a string of self-criticism. Women do this so often that several years ago the comic actress Amy Schumer created a satirical video about the topic featuring several beautiful women all complimenting each other and each one responding the same way...with a string of denigrating comments about herself.
If someone you love started talking about how inadequate and unsuccessful they are, you would do your level best to convince them otherwise. You would respond to their self-loathing and doubts about their abilities with praise, affirmations and support. Don’t you deserve the same treatment? I think we should think about applying the good ol’ “Golden Rule” to ourselves...treat yourself as well as you would treat others.
The first step to beating self-sabotage is being able to recognize you are doing it in the first place. When we trash talk ourselves, we add significant stress to our minds and our bodies. We not only harm ourselves, we also reduce the positive energy and love we have to offer the world. There is wonderful quote that says “your energy introduces you before you even speak.” When you meet people, your energy is magnetic and just like a magnet, it can be either positive or negative. When someone comes at you with positive feedback and compliments, don’t feel as if you have to respond with negativity in order to make the magnets connect. Try responding with the same positive and uplifting talk that you are receiving...your body and mind will both thank you.
So the next time you are tempted to take out the piñata stick and a blindfold, make sure it’s because you are at a party trying to get some candy and not because you are handing that stick over to someone else.