I recently overheard my oldest son saying to my husband, “Hey, you left me on unread today!” At first, I did not know what he was talking about. Did it have something to do with Red vs Blue States? Had my husband gotten my son angry and “red” over something? I soon found out that “left on unread” is how the younger generation refers to the various forms of communication (emails, texts, direct messages) that haven’t been opened...also known as left “unread”. The assumption becomes that the recipient does not care about you because they have not even bothered to open your message. Apparently, my husband had (unintentionally) not opened the email that our son had sent him earlier in the day. What I like about this story is that my son let his father know how he felt about that. Like the lyrics of the popular John Mayer song...."say what you need to say.”
Over the years, one of things that I have emphasized the most at our family meetings is thatgood communication is the key to success. I have made the following messages quite clear to my sons: You need me to drive you somewhere? It had better be posted on the large master wall calendar. Not a fan of ‘Salmon Night’? Then please communicate a more desirable, but still healthy, option. Need supplies for a school project? Then for the sake of your grade, please let me know well in advance of the due date. You get the picture.Communication is key!
Effective communication does not just apply to important dates and shopping list items. It is also the backbone of healthy relationships, with our loved ones as well as with ourselves.We all know what this means...communication is a two-way street. We need to be as good at listening as we are at speaking. The “experts” say that we need to have both the ability and the willingness to communicate our feelings as well as our needs, preferably in a non-judgmental way. The listener shares in the responsibility and needs to react in a constructive, not destructive way. The process is so simple, yet it is not easy.
What do you think is the verbal equivalent of leaving an email “unread”? Not answering the phone when our loved one calls because we are too busy? Multitasking, a.k.a. not paying attention, when someone is having a conversation with us? I bet that, just like me, you can think of at least one time when this happened in your own life. Not the healthiest and most effective approach, is it?
As challenging as communication can be with others, I feel as if some of the most unhealthy conversations are the ones we have with ourselves. We beat ourselves up with an attitude of “not-enough-ness”. I am sure you can relate to this. At one time or another, we have each judged ourself harshly, through an unforgiving lens. Whether you have found yourself wishing you were thinner, taller, smarter, or richer, you have probably spoken to yourself in a way that would defy the laws of healthy and effective communication. We are our own worst critics. It would be wonderful if we could put as much effort and care into the messages we send ourselves as we do with others. When we are finally able to communicate in a positive way with ourselves, our glass will be half-full instead of half-empty. We should be able to look with gratitude at what we have and how special and unique we are. If we are kinder and gentler when we look in the mirror, we will fill the spaces of our lives and our hearts with deeper appreciation, revelation, wisdom and self-love.
One of my favorite quotes is from the famous American author and abolitionist Harriet Beecher Stowe: “the bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.” We don’t want to ever look back with a heart full of regret. I think it is time to make sure that we do not leave things left unsaid to ourselves. Years from now, you will not want to be filled with “would haves” and “should haves”. I am challenging you to have a chat with yourself...a pep talk, a soliloquy, an aria, or a filibuster....whatever it takes to get the point across! Tell yourself that you are enough, you have enough and that you are beautifully, wonderfully, and perfectly made.If it is easier, have a talk with your younger self and share the gems that you have learned along the way. Positive communication will be the pavers on the golden path to a more joyful and peaceful life.This will create a feeling of fulfillment and abundance that you will want to communicate with others! And that is a message that will most definitely not be left unread!