Before I made the life-changing decision to go back to school to become a health coach, I toyed around with several different business ideas. One of my business plans was to start an Editing & Proofreading business...after all, I had many years of experience editing legislative bill copy when I worked for the NYS Division of the Budget. My dream company even had a name: "DON'T PRESS SEND!" I figured that this would be an attention-getting name since many people could probably relate to sending something (to the printer, to their boss, to a long list of "reply to all" email addresses) without having first properly proofread it. As I was putting together my business plan and researching domain names, all I could think about was the time when one of my former colleagues had sent an inappropriate email (I believe it was a joke that was either sexist or racist or both) to one of his work friends. Instead of the intended recipient, the email was inadvertently sent to the big-big- head-head boss because she shared the same last name as my colleague's work friend. You can imagine the dust-up that this caused! If only my colleague had hesitated before he PRESSED SEND!
Looking back now, I think that the content of that email was far less offensive than the kinds of things that seem to be so easily tweeted and retweeted today. As I am writing this, the number one show on network television has been cancelled because the star and namesake of the show "pressed SEND" on Twitter without thinking. Perhaps she was thinking....that makes it much worse. I do not feel that it matters that the tweet was written in the wee-hours of the morning, or that a dose or two of Ambien may have been involved, or that the words were meant to be funny. What matters is that we now have so many more ways to (easily) hurt each other.
If you have ever said anything you regret, you know how badly you wish you could go back in time and have a "do-over" or press 'rewind and erase' like we used to be able to do on our answering machines. Well regret can apply to the written word as well. What our mothers told us when we were kids is still true today: "Be careful what you put in writing. If you would not be comfortable with it being on the first page of the New York Times, do not write it." Putting regrettable thoughts in writing takes what would normally be a "foot in mouth" moment and turns it into a life-lasting imprint on our brains.
As it relates to this particular tweeting incident, there are plenty of hurt feelings to go around. The subject of the cruel tweet is the obvious victim, but what about the hundreds of innocent people who are now without their jobs? How about the producers of the show who feel responsible for not being able to "control" the actions of the lone-tweeter? The point is, we cannot control what other people write or say about us. We can only control how we react and the impact that we allow it to have on our lives.
How does all of this relate to our health? Social media has changed all of our lives but we still do not know enough about how the social media platforms affect our mental and overall health. The world needs to address this pressing issue since over 1/4 of the world's population is on FaceBook alone! For now, we each need to come up with our own personal policy for how to handle the sending and receiving of electronic information. The ability to write something hurtful without seeing the person's reaction has become so commonplace and it has turned the regularly used social media platforms into hostile environments. The solution seems like an easy one, if spending time on social media makes you feel bad about yourself or your life, it is time to disconnect. If something you send or say will, in any way, hurt someone else, then do not press send. Before anything gets sent out, we should each think about what our mothers, grandmothers and teachers would think of us if they read what we wrote.
Many people have told me that they feel bad about themselves when they read their friends' posts on FB or Instagram. They forget that most people don't post when they just fought with their spouse, burned the dinner, or were disrespected by their kids. We see the happy vacation images, the new cars, the shiny trophies, the over-the-top romantic gestures, and we forget that the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence.
Years ago, my pastor told me to focus on the 99 "attaboys" not the 1 "mean tweet". He actually did not say "tweet", it was before Twitter had taken off! What he meant was, even if you receive an overwhelming amount of enthusiastic support, we tend to focus on the one or two people who say something negative. Our take-away should always be the positive, supportive and affirming messages.
My sister often reminds me, "What other people think or say about you is none of your business." I agree...unless it's positive! Then we should take notice! Need an "attaboy"? Email me and let's start a positive and uplifting conversation. That is a great reason to PRESS SEND!