When my sons were toddlers, I developed the concept of "Yes Day" to assist me in my parenting challenges. Every time they asked me a difficult question, (for example, "Can we have ice cream for lunch?", "Is it okay to use our crayons to decorate the walls?', "Can we wear our pajamas to church?", "Can we turn your bedroom into LegoLand?"), I always had the same answer "Yes, of course!" even though the real answer to those and their many other outlandish requests was "NO, absolutely not!" Rather than repeatedly saying no to my two little darlings, I opted to instead empower them with my heartfelt and optimistic "YES, you can do that, on YES DAY!" It worked like a charm! Instead of disappointment and temper tantrums, hearing the answer YES gave them hope and happiness. My strategy was to write each one of their requests on a slip of paper and then add them to a glass jar I kept on the mantle over the fireplace which was clearly labeled YES DAY. As you can imagine, that jar was overflowing with their many unique and "special" requests! I explained to my sons that when they least expected it, I would surprise them by declaring it YES DAY and on that Holiday they could choose what they wanted to do from the slips of paper in the jar. We always had a great time on Yes Day! Truth be told, most of the time it included eating ice cream; however, more importantly, I never had to say No to their special requests and many tantrums were avoided at the pass.
Here are a few of my favorites:
Lesson #1) SAY YES to the SUN (also known as, SAY YES to the things that scare you. This does not mean saying yes to everything and forcing yourself to do things you do not want to do. The message here is that saying yes should be about your personal growth and doing the things that you may normally be intimidated to do. In Shonda's case it was public speaking which absolutely terrified her. She worked hard to overcome this and realized in the end that saying YES to something that scares you feels a lot like you have become your own SUN. Instead of losing ourselves in someone else's orbit, and desperately revolving around that person in need of their sunlight, we each need to each be our very own SUN.
(Do you have something that scares you? Have you found a way to say YES TO THE SUN? Share your story in the comments section below.)
Lesson #2) STOP DREAMING and START DOING
Shonda says we should "ditch our dreams" and be a "doer not a dreamer." This means we need to hit the ground running in order to make our dreams become reality. She reminded us that we shouldn't sit at home waiting for some magical opportunity to come our way.This lesson really resonated with me and helped me to get my business off the ground. I finally realized that no one was going to ring my doorbell and say "I am here to file your business paperwork and publish your website." I made the decision to stop dreaming about it and do something to make it happen!
Lesson#3) SAY YES TO YOUR BODY. We all need to stop trying to compare ourselves to others and instead focus all of our energy on being the best versions of ourselves. We are mean to ourselves, aren't we? I shower those I love with praise about how wonderful they look, but when I see my own reflection in the mirror, I often have harsh words for myself. My son's kindergarten teacher used to say to his class, "Be careful what you say about yourself, your brain can hear you and will believe those words." Shonda decided one day to make peace with her body. She made the difficult decision that it was time to lose weight and she talks about how drinking lots of water and learning to love salads were helpful strategies. But she also wrote that she finally SAID YES to herself. She ate and enjoyed the foods she craved and no food was off-limits. She ate anything she wanted to eat and discovered in the process that she was so programmed to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner that she often ate when she wasn't hungry. She realized that she wasn't listening to her body. If you started to really listen to what your body is craving and eating only when you are actually hungry, how different would you plate look? This is an interesting experiment that worked out very well for Shonda who lost a significant amount of weight by tuning in to her body's voice.
Lesson#4) SAY YES TO DANCING IT OUT WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE - aka: It is okay to shed negative people from your life. This is a tough one but can be very empowering. The "Year of Yes" does not mean saying yes to ALL of the people in your life. It is about SAYING YES to the ones that give you positive energy and are good influences. Keep the people in your life who want to see you succeed and figure out a way to lose the negative forces that are bringing you down. Happy people attract happy people and we all know that "misery loves company." We should all strive to have those Meredith Grey/Christina Yang moments (Grey's Anatomy reference) and "dance it out with our person."
Lesson#5) SAY YES to ALL PLAY and NO WORK!. This lesson changed Shonda's life and it can help us to change ours! She makes sure to always SAY YES when her children ask her the question "Wanna play?" She drops whatever she is doing and goes to play with them. She writes that this is not just a rule, but a law, a religion, and something she practices faithfully and with fervor. By handling it this way, the guilt is washed away. Shonda says "This YES is about giving yourself the permission to shift the focus of what is a priority from what's good for you over to what makes you feel good." In Shonda's case, finding what she calls a "good happy place" meant taking 15 minutes each day to get on the floor and play with her children. We each have our own version of this, whether it is meeting a friend for a cup of coffee, enjoying a glass of wine or tea in the evening, taking our dog for a walk, enjoying a long bubble bath, watching our favorite sports team or dancing in front of the mirror...we need to make ourselves a priority and make certain that our lives include things each day that spark our joy. The big take away - we need to make time to play!
So here is the million dollar question: What will you say yes to today? Will you make it a year of yes's like Shonda did and completely change your life? Will your YES JAR sit on the mantle untouched or will you make a point each and every day to SAY YES to something that will move the needle forward and help build your beautiful, happy life?!
As always, if you need help making yourself a priority and figuring out how you can make the time to SAY YES, contact me...I am here to help you make it happen.